Wednesday, February 29, 2012

When a Diamond Turns Into Coal


 They are like DIAMONDS... Precious and Rare. And, they're forever, right? So we should do everything possible to keep all the friendships we have, right?

If we all remain exactly as we always have been without change, we could probably maintain many lifelong friendshipsBUT we all change in different ways and at different rates.

"The only constant is CHANGE." -Heraclitus

Sadly enough, there are friendships we may want or need to let go of.. As difficult as it may be to accept sometimes, it is the normal evolution of things. Ending a relationship in which you have invested time, energy and, most importantly, heart, is not easy.

But, do you keep a friendship that is unhealthy? By keeping friends who no longer make you happy, or who hold you back, you are risking your own happiness and well-being. Not only that, but YOU CAN"T POSSIBLY CREATE ROOM FOR A NEW FRIENDSHIP THAT CAN GROW INTO SOMETHING NURTURING AND REWARDING FOR YOU.
If your friend steals your spouse or anything else blatantly hurtful, then things are clear. GET RID OF THEM! Attempts to hurt are easy to see and acknowledge. But most of the time, signals aren't that obvious (thankfully!). We are always trying to make excuses because, naturally, we really do not want to hurt anyone's feelings (hopefully!). When things go wrong or we're hurt, we say to ourselves, "she didn't do it on purpose," ''she's just that way," or, "she's just been really stressed out lately" (even if '"lately" is over the past several weeks. months, or even YEARS). BUT WE ARE BLINDING OURSELVES TO THE FACT THAT WHAT WE HAVE IS UNHEALTHY!

There are several ways to acknowledge that a friendship is not worth fighting for any longer:

1) Ask yourself if you feel better after seeing/talking to that person. Do you feel inspired or motivated, or do you feel like you have been drained of all of your energy? Your energy and spirit are RIGHTFULLY YOURS! You should never allow someone to take it away from you. Do you feel better, or do you feel angry, disappointed, or fed up? Granted, everyone goes through "bummer" periods in life. Part of being a friend means sticking with friends through tough times, but if you always feel "sucked dry" when seeing this friend then things are not healthy. You deserve more power in your life to put the use of your energy and motivation towards more constructive things.

2) Also, ask yourself if this person brings out the best in you. When you leave from being with them, do you feel proud of something? Or, do you feel like you are a bad person; that something is not quite right? Take for instance, you may have lunch with this person and the entire time you two are constantly griping and gossiping about other people, friends, family---WHATEVER! Okay, none of us is perfect. Who doesn't participate in a "gossip session" once in a while? Even though it is something you do not take pride in doing, it happens. But when you take a step back and realize that you just spent all of your time griping and being rude/hurtful to others...what do you have? If you can step back and say to yourself, "I do not like what I just did, and I do not like the person I was being during that lunch," then things have went too far. You should never put on a mask and participate in something that is not what you want to be just to satisfy another persons "gossip craving".

3) After being with this person do you feel careless or cheerless? People who always spend time criticizing others are CHEERLESS! Their cheerlessness is CONTAGIOUS... and you will SURELY catch it! Most of the time, these people are not capable of finding the best in themselves, AND THEY ARE CERTAINLY NOT INTERESTED IN FINDING THE BEST IN YOU!

4) Have you ever asked yourself is this friend is a positive influence on your life? Do they encourage you to grow and support what you love and want out of life (even if it differs from what they feel)? For example, do you feel like you have to compromise your values or morals just to hang around or talk to this friend? OR, does your friend make her problems YOUR PROBLEMS, or does her bad mood become YOUR BAD MOOD? If you are like me, you may have just settled down and got married, made a new family, got out on your own, etc. and that friend found someway to make ALL OF THAT GOOD NEWS negative to you! Friends are supposed to CHEER YOU UP, not BRING YOU DOWN!

5) And the opposite to all of the four above is HOW DO YOU FEEL WHEN YOU HAVEN'T BEEN IN TOUCH IN A FEW DAYS OR WEEKS? Do you feel guilty that you haven't taken the time out of your "busy" day to text/call her? Do you feel relief that your life is flowing smoothly in those past few days/weeks? Are you looking forward to catching up with her the next time you do? Never stay committed to s relationship unless it is WHAT YOU WANT! It really STINKS when things end, but like I is the evolution of life. Things always change.

Like I said in the beginning (for those of you still reading), we cling to our friendships because we feel like they are precious and rare. But when a diamond turns to coal, it's the time to let it go and move on!

Know that it's not really important whether someone makes you feel invisible, joyless, bullied, guilty, sucked of energy, or stupid. What is important is that this person makes you feel bad. That reason, and that reason alone, is enough to think about ending it.

I hope everyone was able to hold on during my ranting session today. I have personally been evaluating some relationships in my life, and I would like to ask for your prayers during this time of difficult decision-making for me. Life is tough sometimes, but I have to always remember to put my God, my husband, and my daughter at the top of my list in life. Thank you for reading today, lovelies! I promise to get you a recipe on the next post! LOVE YOU ALL!

1 comment:

  1. There are SO.MANY.TRUTHS. in this post! It can be so hard to let go of relationships that we have had for a long time... God has recently been working this out in me to know that what I want and what I try to work out may not be his will. Sometimes, relationships end and sometimes relationships change. I need to accept whatever He's doing and quit trying to make things go my own way! I related SO much to this post! Thank you so much for sharing!


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